three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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