I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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