You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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