You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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