she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
