You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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