I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
