alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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