First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
