i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
