Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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