So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
