Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
