Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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