I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
