One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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