I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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