peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
