i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
