the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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