i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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