that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
