You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Randomize
