i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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