When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize