Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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