we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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