You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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