My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
