That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
