Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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