Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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