i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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