Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
