I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dick very happy bro
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
