meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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