hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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