Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
