I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
