We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
