Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
