so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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