i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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