the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
