I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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