There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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