One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
