While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
