he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
