White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
