I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
