I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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