I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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