I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
