I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize