that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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