how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
