He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
