I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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