I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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