I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
