it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fuck appropriateness.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
