She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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