You're my little dorito
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
