you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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