Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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