Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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