Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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