im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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