so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
