What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
