PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
