RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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