Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
