I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
