a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
