She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
