yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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