he shaved USA in his pubs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
