One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
